Raising Boys in the Digital Age – Who is Really Guiding Them?
I watched Adolescence on Netflix, and I cannot emphasise enough how important this storytelling is in helping people grasp the extent of violence against girls and women. I campaign tirelessly to end men’s violence against girls and women, and I have long stated that this issue is rooted in a deep sense of entitlement – both young men and adult men alike believing they can take what they want. But this series opened my eyes to the struggles of young boys in a way I had not fully considered before.
What struck me most was not just the tragic events that unfold but the broader systemic failure – how parents, teachers, police, and even psychologists remain at a loss as to how a thirteen-year-old boy could be capable of such unspeakable violence while also being so vulnerable himself.
In the very first episode, we see armed police arrive to take the young boy into custody. His parents, shocked and distraught, are unable to comprehend what is happening. The officers, while following protocol, treat him later with a gentleness that reminds us that this is not an adult criminal but a child. An officer guides him about his rights once in the police car, advising him to say nothing until he has legal representation. A duty officer registering him into custody, calling him “son” as he takes his details. Everyone in this scene from police, parents, legal officials, all struggling to process the gravity of the situation. This is not a run-of-the-mill case of murder, it is a child who has killed another child.
Episode two shifts focus to the boy’s school, where teachers, students, and authorities are equally at a loss. The education system, severely under-resourced and unprepared for the fallout, nor know how to prevent such tragedies from happening again. How do we educate young people about misogyny, violence, and respect when even the adults responsible for guiding them feel helpless? It is also in this episode that we see the victim mentioned for the first time, something that struck me deeply. Just as in news reporting, where I frequently call out the lack of focus on the victims of male violence, here too the story became about the perpetrator, his motives, and his vulnerabilities. This echoes what I have long pointed out, we must acknowledge that those who commit these acts are not shadowy monsters but real people – someone’s friend, someone’s parent, someone’s son – walking among us.
Episode three is one of the most heartbreaking. A psychologist interviews the boy to understand what led to the violent stabbing of another child. These scenes reveal a lonely young boy, desperate to belong, to be liked, to find his place in the world. The psychologist, visibly shaken, struggles to reconcile the horror of the crime with the deep sadness of a lost child. A prison warden removing him from the room, witnessing his distress, offers a moment of comfort as he takes him back to his cell. The humanity in these moments is undeniable – we are seeing a system trying to handle something it was never prepared for.
By episode four, we witness the ripple effects on the boy’s family. They attempt to carry on with life amid the media storm and impending court case. A milestone birthday that should be a joyous celebration becomes a moment of quiet despair. The parents question everything, should they move away or stay and face the stigma? Should they be forever known as “the parents of the boy who murdered another child”? Where did it all go wrong? The final scenes are among the most moving I have ever witnessed. I cannot even begin to imagine the devastation of losing a child to violence or being the parent of a child who has committed such an act against another. But this series truly opened my eyes to what young girls and boys are living through in the digital age.
This series should be required viewing in schools and homes. It lays bare the reality of how toxic masculinity is shaping young minds, warping their sense of self-worth, and normalising dangerous belief systems that encourage violence, misogyny, and dominance. We cannot ignore the fact that young, developing brains are highly impressionable. When boys are exposed to online influencers who preach entitlement and aggression, they internalise these messages, shaping their worldview in destructive ways. The consequences of such a belief system are devastating, not only for the victims but for society as a whole. If we fail to intervene, we are complicit in allowing another generation of boys to grow up believing that power and control are their birthright at the expense of others’ safety and dignity.
But the ultimate question remains, what do we do to bridge this gap? How do we prevent young girls from being killed and young boys from ending up incarcerated? Adolescence forces us to confront the reality that education is the answer, but only if we truly commit to it. We need to help underdeveloped brains distinguish between healthy masculinity and toxic misogyny. The power of storytelling like this is that it gets people engaging, questioning, and confronting these difficult issues head-on.
This is where governments need to act. Investment in young people, through education, mental health support, and online safety measures, must become a priority. Our children are impressionable and searching for belonging. If we do not guide them, they will turn to those who will – whether that be influencers like Andrew Tate or toxic online subcultures that glorify male violence and degradation of women. When will tech giants like Meta and TikTok be held accountable for the monsters they have created? Not just the actions of one minor, but the toxic, misogynistic machine they fuel – pushing harmful content in front of vulnerable minds.
It is time for society to take a stand.
We must insist that toxic masculinity and misogyny have no place on our screens, in front of vulnerable children, in our workplaces, or in our homes.
The epidemic of men’s violence against women is not inevitable – it is preventable.
But only if we wake up, demand accountability, and invest in the future of our young people before it is too late.
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