Summer’s here, the festival season’s in full swing, and love fills the air. But how do you get over a breakup, if it’s never really over? Why am I getting calls requesting help in getting over an ex now?
September and January are my usual peak times to help clients ‘get over’ an ex. January is prime time for a post-Christmas demise of longterm relationships that can’t face another year. September sees summer romances fizzle out. But hey! It’s only June now. Turns out it’s Katy Perry who says it’s never really over. She’s been having a bit of a quiet time over the last two years, not a Roar to be heard at all, and sadly a few relationship struggles along the way. Her latest release is titled ‘Never Really Over’. Katy reveals that she’s trying to move on from her ex after a break-up, and finding it surprisingly tough.
She finds herself obsessing over him, in spite of her best intentions. Who hasn’t? Breakups are seriously hard to navigate:
” I’m losing my self-control,
Yeah, you’ve started to trickle back in,
But I don’t want to fall down the rabbit hole,
cross my heart I won’t do it again.”
She reveals the internal conflict between her conscious wish to move on from her failed relationship, and those dang subconscious emotions that well up to sabotage her best efforts:
“I tell myself, tell myself, tell myself,
‘Draw the line’ and I do, I do,
But once in a while, I trip up, and I cross the line and think of you”.
Perry describes being stuck in a loop of memories, constantly thinking about her ex, wondering what he’s doing. What can she do to break the spell, when willpower alone is not enough?
“I guess I could try hypnotherapy,
I gotta rewire this brain.”
Yes, spot on, that’s the answer! Hypnotherapy, along with specialised breakup coaching, is the quickest and most powerful way to get over a breakup …and get on with living. More about that in a minute.
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
Studies show it’s roughly a week for every month that a couple were together, in order to get over it. So that translates into about 6 months for Perry to grieve, and come to terms with the ending of a 2-year relationship. If she’s finding herself still catapulted back into memories of her ex, Katy is not really over it …YET.
“Two years and just like that
My head still takes me back,
Thought it was done but I
Guess it’s never really over.”
Katy is finding it tough to get this healing space. Notifications pop up in fb and Insta feeds. It’s nearly impossible to get away from those updates that follow you around the internet.
‘I can’t even go on the internet,
Without checking your name”.
The temptation to check an ex on social media platforms is hard to resist, and the FOMO misery is only compounded if they’re with someone new. And looking great rubs salt into those wounds. Sadly, it only makes things worse, refreshes the feelings of loss, enhances rosy memories of good times, and keeps it all current on the desktop of the mind.
How do you go about getting over it?
A key element to getting over a breakup as quickly as possible (and who doesn’t want that?) is to avoid ALL contact; sympathy sex, coffee debriefs, friend hangouts, for a full THREE months after the breakup. Beware that ex who wants to go friends straight away, or texts all the time. And while you’re at it – be doubly aware of the slimy ex who gets back with his ex while it’s all happening.
This often indicates a ‘faux’ breakup, followed by a reunion, accompanied by promises of changes to improve the relationship. Each time this happens, it’s harder to get away from a controlling partner. That’s a whole other post so check out the link below.
Katy, you gotta remember WHY you broke up. After a decent interval, when you’ve moved through the rawness, pain and loss of intimacy you’re ready to navigate into the calmer waters of friendship (if that’s on the cards). Minding your mental health is crucial to your well-being. Stick with genuine friends who get what you’re going through. Avoid the schadenfreude brigade like the plague.
What’s ‘love lost’ got to do with infertility?
You might be wondering what my angle on breakups has to do with my work as a fertility expert. A relationship gone bad may carry a hangover effect, wreaking havoc with fertility hormones. I’ve helped clients release mental blocks to pregnancy, caused by an unresolved attachment to an ex. The hangover effect may even contribute to secondary infertility in a new relationship.
How do I help?
Firstly, I’ll find out a bit about the relationship, the breakup (a thumbnail, nothing too deep) and see how Katy’s managing. I’ll check her coping mechanisms so she’s not using food as comfort, or snacking unhealthily. Same goes for binge-watching Netflix or going overboard with the drink. Tempting though it is to dive into a BTN relationship that has little hope of success or overdose on Tindr, it’s better to hang in there until all flames for said ex are extinguished. And it’s safe to enter the building after the ‘all clear’.
Next comes some EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). This neat, elegant and fast-acting little tool dissolves the cycle of intrusive memories in a jiffy, lifts anxiety, and dissolves those pesky hangover effects. Voilà!
I’ll use Hypnotherapy so she can ‘rewire this brain”, rebuilding self-confidence, well-being and resilience; getting really over the breakup for good.
Well Katy, thank you for letting folk know about the benefits of hypnotherapy to navigate a breakup! You’ve helped people know they can feel better quickly, and mind their mental health.